Let’s start with taking a deep breath in….and out. If you find yourself reading this, I can imagine you are looking for some insight on how to decompress after the holiday season. Can we be honest with each other and admit that the holidays can bring out the gnarliest of emotions within all of us?
If somebody says something with a slightly negative tone, it leads to tension or silence you can tangibly feel. If somebody does something to annoy you, it can feel like the worst thing in the world. Holidays can have us on edge and we are trying our best to get through them in the best way we know how. You may be feeling tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, sad, or even peace, happiness, and gratitude. Whatever emotions you are experience, my first challenge to you is let them be. Acknowledge them and give them time to simmer. We all need space and time to decompress after the holidays no matter how they went.
1. Acknowledge the Emotional Hangover
I think it’s safe to say that this year, the holidays have looked quite a bit different than past years. There’s a lot to consider when talking about spending time with loved ones during an intensely emotional and social session. This blog is written in hopes to attend to the unmet expectations, difficult conversation you didn’t plan to have or the absence of typical joys traditions.
Have you been able to label any emotions you experienced? Acknowledging difficult emotions during a *MERRY* time of year is a challenge. This is the time of year to be thankful, be cheery, be fun, and especially be positively upbeat. Is it possible that those emotions were there, but you also experienced a deep sadness, grief, or even hurt?
Setting aside differences with those you love is a balancing act. It’s important to acknowledge that not everybody in the family or inner circle will share the same perspectives as you. When that one uncle or family friend makes a cringeworthy comment, it can take all the self-control you have to not dig into them. Those comments are by no means dismissible, yet what does the moment call for? Navigating that space can be overwhelming, but it can also be done well.
If you experienced a moment like that, did you address it the best way you knew how? This is a prime opportunity to reflect and process this interaction with a trusted person. The holidays don’t always go as planned, and sometimes there are unexpected exchanges. Nevertheless, holidays can also bring us a reminder of the good that exists within us and those around us.
Being with friends and family can be a rewarding time. There are multitudes of activities to do, stories to share, games to play, and time to enjoy company you haven’t seen. Holiday seasons can be filled with traditions only experienced once a year. I can smell my family’s brisket cooking! Is there a special cookie recipe or a fun holiday drink your family shares? What about matching pajamas? Overrated? Nahhhh. This time of year may be the only time you see those cousins and extended family members. You may find yourself staying up later than usual, eating more than usual, drinking more than usual. It is not unusual to find yourself outside of typical routines (hence why we all need to decompress after the holidays!).
Now you’ve read two differing perspectives and experiences one can have. And you can even have both experiences in one visit! All these moments take time and energy.
So my question to you is, how does one fill their cup back up and carry on after?
I would suggest taking an emotional inventory. Put on an invisible, but accepting and kind hat, to normalize the wide range of emotions you experienced during the holiday season. It is okay to enjoy, it is okay to hurt, and it is okay to feel both at the same time!
2. Set Your Sights
After you’ve taken an emotional inventory and given yourself space to feel, set your sights on what you may need to bounce back.
Typically holidays don’t operate on the usual schedules or routines. Do you need time to plan for getting back to work? Would you benefit from setting up the counseling appointment you’ve been putting off? Is it going to be helpful to clean up the havoc that visiting family has left you with in order to feel at peace again? Is it important to just take a breath and do something for fun before the pace of life resumes?
Utilize this time to reflect on any possible changes you can make to create a new rhythm of life or returning to the rhythm you know works. Use this time to take an inventory on areas of your life you would like to invest in. Maybe it’s time to reach out to a good friend and talk about the family dinner you went to. Reach out to those in your support system and connect. You may even discover that they experienced a strange family dinner as well. Pick up that book you got and immerse yourself in it. Play that game you’ve been wanting and enjoy it! Save some space for yourself to get back into the groove of life.
3. Maintain a Stance of Kindness
Lastly, let’s talk about kindness.
You may be familiar with showing kindness to others. Treat others like you would want to be treated. I remember hearing that phrase often during my elementary school days.
Has anyone ever challenged you to treat yourself with the kindness? Whoa.
Have you ever taken note of your inner dialogue? Does that inner voice criticize, incite doubt, or promote worry and fear? Or does that voice help normalize, promote stability, and encourage bravery in the midst of uncertainty?
Being kind to yourself is more impactful than you realize. There is no greater support than you standing up for you. Don’t miss an incredible moment to speak kindness to yourself for feeling frustrated with a family member or speaking kindness to yourself for not having the energy to participate in the 3rd holiday party of the year.
It is okay to feel. Because you are human. It is okay to not be perfect. Because you are human. It is okay to not have all the answers. Because you are human.
The holidays can be good, bad, and/or ugly. This year, let yourself be human and practice self-kindness when you need it most.
P.S. For those of you that are still deep in the holiday events or are thinking ‘holy crap I need to be more prepared next year’, check this post out!
Annelise Hernandez is a therapist at Seaside Counseling Center in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Annelise works with couples, 20 somethings, and perinatal parents online and in-person.