Welcome to the Serious Sh*t Series. This is my series of blog posts that focus on some of the really really really hard parts of life. I pick things that have affected my clients, my loved ones, and myself and when they have happened I’ve either 1. googled what to do 2. discussed at length how to help someone/myself or 3. felt totally lost and unsure of where to even start (and the fact that I am a “therapist” this didn’t settle well with me).
So here is my attempt to make it just a little bit easier to find information on how to help yourself through some really really really hard parts of life.
For those of you that know me (or have read through my blog posts) you know that I lived in Colorado. And for it being a freaking fantastic state for so many reasons, it still has it’s problems. One of those BIG PROBLEMS (as with the rest of the world) is shootings. Specifically school shootings. So weeks ago the Colorado STEM school shooting happened, just down the road from my office.
Let’s start out with that was an awful day. If you are a student, parent, neighbor, friend, therapist, resident, citizen, news-watcher, you know the feeling. Your stomach drops. Whatever your experience was I don’t want you to minimize what you went through, even if you live across the world, these tips and skills can still apply to you. Here is what I’ve gathered throughout my life, education, and research on what to do after a school shooting (no matter your relation):
What To Do Now
- Just Be. In the aftermath of a school shooting, it is almost impossible to immediately process what just happened. To wrap our minds around what caused this, how could someone do this, what do we do? The first step is to just be. Don’t put pressure on yourself just yet. Allow yourself to cry, panic, scream, run, be numb, talk, don’t talk, hug. This is the time to find a safe space by yourself or with loved ones and just be.
- Talk About It. Once you’ve allowed yourself time to work through the initial shock of what just happened, find someone to talk to. I highly encourage you to immediately try to find (or ask someone else to find you) a therapist/counselor/social worker/psychologist/LMFT/emergency mental health responder/etc. It is going to be critical that you talk to a professional during parts of this process. But until then, it is also important that you talk to a loved one. Tell them what your experience was like, what you were thinking, how you were feeling, what happened. If you aren’t comfortable or can’t get yourself to talk about it just yet, write it all down or say if out loud to yourself.
- Find Positive Coping Skills. This is another big step and can be really difficult if you don’t know where to start. I normally explain to my clients that there are two major types of coping skills: avoidant and processing. Both are important and useful, but should be used at different times. Some examples of avoidant coping skills are sleeping, watching tv, playing video games, listening to music, playing a sport or exercising, art, taking a shower, baking, eating, playing with an animal, playing a game, reading a book. Avoidant coping skills are best utilized when you need to get your mind OFF of something and give yourself a brain break. Now there are processing coping skills as well and some examples of these are meditation, journaling, talking about it, yoga, going to a therapist, sitting and reflecting. Processing coping skills are best utilized in a safe space, where you have time to think deeply. These are the coping skills that aren’t always fun, but usually help you move forward. So try a few different coping skills from each category (or research your own). I recommend trying to do AT LEAST one from each category once a day. I normally start with a processing coping skill for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour (start with what you are comfortable with) and then use an avoidant coping skill to decompress afterwards.
What To Do Next
- Realize there is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling. If the school shooting had a serious impact on you it it likely you are experiencing triggers. Loud nosies, crowds, extreme stress, not sleeping, difficulty eating, anxiety, flash backs, stomach drops, panic attacks. If you are having these symptoms I suggest you do two things 1. reach out for help from a professional and 2. realize there is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling. It takes time to start to heal and move forward and is unlikely to happen overnight. It is okay to ask for help and okay to not be okay. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect and reach out. If you need help please know you can always reach out to me!
- Recognize its OKAY to not watch the news or get on social media. This is a tough one. When shootings happen it is all over the news and all over social media. The trial starts, the injury reports come in, the funerals happen. It can feel impossible to get away from. It is okay to delete your social media apps, keep the news off, and ask to not talk about it for a little while with your loved ones. You do not need to be up to date on everything and I encourage you to get away from the media for a while to allow yourself space to think of other things.
- Try to do “normal” things. Getting back into a routine can be incredibly hard, but it is also important to get a semblance of normalcy. It can be awful to think that life moves on and you are supposed to move forward with it, but it is necessary to find your new normal. What are things you used to enjoy? Try some new coping skills. Ask a friend to come over and watch tv. After what feels like an okay amount of time try going back to work or school. Allow yourself the space to find and do things again that feel normal.
- Reach out for help. Know that there are professionals waiting for you to reach out. We are here when you need us and please do not hesitate to send me a message. I will do everything I can to help you through this or lead you in the right direction. It is hard to do this alone, so lets do this together instead.