How To Be More Vulnerable

Y’all. You know how when you put something out into the world that you’ve worked reallllly hard on. And then it’s not received how you thought it would be? Or really not received at all. Like no one even knows it is there. Then you put out something that was just a ‘what the hell, might as well’ kinda day. And then that’s received surprisingly well?

This came to mind because I’ve gotten a ton of positive feedback about my 5 Ultimate Vulnerability Exercises blog post. And if I’m honest that post was done in like 10 minutes. (I feel kinda like lady gaga who writes her best songs in ten minutes? Am I the next lady gaga? Lol no. I’ll stop doing my stand up routine now and get to what you really want.)

This is how I look at vulnerability.

Example: you may put a lot of effort into this image of yourself to present to the world. You do your hair, makeup, angle the camera just right, work on what to say to not sound awkward AF in the mirror. And you go out and BAM. Nothing. You don’t meet anyone, don’t do anything of major interest, overall just a pretty boring day.

Then you end up meeting your future people (friends, lovers, dogs, etc) when you have your just woke up hair, haven’t showered in three days, legs look like they have never seen a razor, makeup left over (from the above^^) kinda day.

So why is that? Well if you ask me… I think this is vulnerability. Its showing who we really are. Not the best, curated version of us.

The ‘this is how I am 95% of the time’ me. And people like that. Respect that. Because that is also who they are.

It’s part of why I love being a therapist. I get to meet the realest you there is. Because, yeah, there will likely be tears and boogers and sweatsuits (aka swuits for any new girl fans). And you are gonna get to that dark, nitty gritty stuff. And I’m lucky to sit beside you as you do. That is what connects us as humans. That is what pulls at our heart strings. When I can see a reflection of my own pain in you. When we realize we aren’t alone or weird. We are human. And we need to stop trying to be anything else.

Okay here you go, what you came for– 3 tips on how to be more vulnerable (with yourself and everyone else).

#1. Find Your Authentic Self

This is a tough one. It seems to be ever changing. But to be vulnerable… we kinda need to know what to be vulnerable about. And how do we know that unless we know ourselves? Know our insecurities. Our fears. Our traumas. I think exploring within ourselves to find who we authentically are (and who we authentically want to be) is the key.

So go to therapy. Journal. Ask yourself questions. Set goals. Identify your growth areas. Walk and talk to yourself. Sit in silence. Meditate.

#2. Let’s Be A Little Socially Unacceptable

Most of us have a “socially acceptable filter”. We stop ourselves from saying and doing certain things because we need to double check how they will be received.

So when you are in a safe place and with safe people (aka not in the grocery store)– start to let that filter down. Say the things that come to your mind (check only that they are honest, kind, and necessary).

#3. Read the Four Agreements.

Read it. Just do it. It’s like 100 pages and great for clear direction on being the best you possible.

So there you go! Some– how to be more vulnerable– action.

BONUS: If you are seeking to be more vulnerable in your relationship AND you and your partner are considering having children together…. check out our newest course! It is loaded with information, exercises, tips, all the things!

Seaside Counseling Center works with frustrated and overwhelmed 20 somethings and perinatal parents online and in-person. Check us out and let’s work together!