Welcome back! This is DAY THREE of Relationship Refresh. Yesterday we focused on our areas of improvement for our relationships.
Today I want you to go through that list and narrow it down. You are going to categorize it into specific things that relate to one another. So if some of the areas for improvement are communication based or financial based or affection based. Make different categories and connect the related ones (literally make a line and connect them into groups!).
Next, ask yourself if you have any control over each category AND how important are they to you. Are they just small annoyances or big honkers of issues?
For example, it annoys THE CRAP out of me that my husband loves his phone so much. He could spend all day on it. But… is it the biggest problem in the world? Sometimes it really does feel like it is and other times it doesn’t.
So picking and choosing which issues can you live with, are okay with you and what issues are big big issues for you.
I want you to narrow it down to your TOP 3 biggest issues that you see in your relationship.
Now you are going to talk to your significant other about it (YAY! not…)
When you are going into this conversation, it is imperative that you present it in a way that says “this is a conversation” NOT “I am attacking you and telling you all the things that are wrong with you”.
So an example, “Hey honey bunches of oats (insert your pet name)! I am working on these exercises, doing this series called relationship refresh, making sure that we have a great relationship that we can be happy in for a long time. One of the exercises was to think about areas that need improvement within the relationship and these are the areas that I saw. Are there any areas that you see?”
Then you can dig into what changes need to happen for those improvements to happen. One of the biggest issues within relationships is unresolved arguments. You may have an argument, move on from it, and then it comes back up a week later. That is what the issue is of this perpetual fighting.
So we are attempting to establish an action plan right now (not wait until it gets too heated in an argument!) of what is going to change and how we are going to see that change. THEN once that change happens the other person can validate that “hey I saw you were making an effort to change ____! Thank you so much for doing that! It made me feel like you really listened to my concerns”.
Does that make sense? That is all I have for you today… I will talk to you again tomorrow!
Links to each part of the series will be added here when complete:
Introduction: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series/
1: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-1/
2: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-2/
3: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-3/
4: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-4/
5: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-5/
6: https://seasidecounselingcenter.com/relationship-refresh-vlog-series-part-6/
Rachel Cohen, MSW, LCSW is the owner and therapist at Seaside Counseling Center in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Rachel works with lonely, frustrated, and overwhelmed teens and 20 something’s throughout Florida.