Well, this isn’t really a “guide to being single”, but more so a guide on how to embrace being single and make it a better experience for you and those around you. So here’s what I’ve gathered from ALL the wonderful single folks I’ve spoken to…
- EMBRACE the Ups & Downs. For some of you, you are already killing this step, for others this is easier said than done. Where ever you are in this process, I want you to identify what you are getting from your time being single. What are the positives to being single that you don’t get while being in a relationship? What are some of your struggles? Embracing the fact that in EVERY situation there are going to be ups and downs and no situation is perfect, helps make our situation more manageable and enjoyable.
- Put Yourself Out There. I don’t mean put yourself out there in order to get into a relationship. That is not my goal for this article. I mean put yourself out there to have new experiences and meet new people. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, it is important to set goals to get yourself out and about and trying new things. I am an introvert, well some may classify me as a “social introvert”, but I really thrive when I have time alone. This NEEDS to be balanced with time with others to continue growing and improving.
- Set goals for yourself. These can be goals related to ANYTHING and should be in many different aspects of life. It is so important for personal growth, so identify what it is you want to work towards. Make them realistic goals. If they are bigger goals, try coming up with HOW you will get to achieving them.
- Allow yourself to rely on others. Sometimes when we are single, we think we need to only rely on ourselves. This can be a hinderance for multiple reasons. First, as humans we need other people in our lives that we can rely on, communicate with, and experience things with. Secondly, when we start to ONLY rely on ourselves we often shut out other people and slowly start to build up a wall. Thirdly, our relationship (any type of relationship, not just romantic) communication skills start to wane if not continuously practiced and applied.
- Do things for YOU. Take care of yourself and show yourself LOVE. We spend so much of our lives craving love from others, when we normally need to work on showing ourselves love. So how do you do this? Talk positively about yourself. Do some self-care (get a massage, meditate, workout, etc.). Set boundaries. Get to know yourself and what you want out of life. Try counseling or coaching sessions. Focus on holistic wellness for your mind, body, and spirit. Join a new group. Make a new friend. Find a hobby. It doesn’t really matter WHAT you do, but make an intentional effort to do things for yourself.
- Process previous relationships. I know I am a therapist, so at risk of sounding too “therapisty” I think everyone can benefit from processing their previous relationships. If you haven’t been in a relationship, try examining what you think has been blocking you from this. Although, a relationship doesn’t need to be the end goal and for MANY people relationships just aren’t the right fit. Many people make an active choice to be single or date several people. This step is less about making sure you are ready for a relationship (because maybe that isn’t what you want!), but more about understanding what happened previously to get you where you are now. Processing our past experiences is SO IMPORTANT in order to move forward and be more successful in the future. Examine what was right, wrong, weird, not working, etc. What is it that you want in the future?
- What is ONE thing you want to do BY YOURSELF? Try doing something fully by yourself and embrace being alone. Go out to lunch by yourself. Go on a solo hike. Take a weekend trip. Go out dancing. Do whatever you want, but while you are doing it examine how it makes you feel. What do you like about doing things by yourself? What don’t you like? Why don’t you like those things?
Being single can be AWESOME and TRANSFORMATIVE. Embrace this time and utilize it for your benefit. Rock your single time! You’ve got this!