Hi there! It’s been a hot second since I’ve put anything out into the world. I’ve been sitting on this topic for awhile now and I finally have the time to put get it out there, so let’s goooooo.
Are you an over thinker? Do you tend to go round and round and round in your thoughts? Has your therapist told you that you have ruminating thoughts? If yes to any of these, you are in the right place. Here are my top three tips on how to stop overthinking.
TIP ONE: PROCESS THEN DISTRACT
Sometimes we just need to allow our mind space to process the thought. But sometimes that is the exact opposite of what we need. So which is it?
First make intentional time to process. Journal, meditate, go on a walk, talk to your therapist, call a friend, tell your dog about it. Think about the thought that won’t go away and try to work your way through it and around it. Give yourself a time limit, maybe an hour?
Then move on from it and distract. Tell yourself you had time to process, now you have time to distract. Watch tv, work out, go to dinner, play, sing, be creative, whatever.
TIP TWO: STOP TRYING TO FILL IN THE BLANKS
Man this one hits home for me (and maybe every human ever?). As a species we feel most at ease when we know the entire picture. It has to do with our fight or flight response. We can prepare our response more effectively.
So we like to do what I refer to as “finish the narrative”. We don’t have all of the information, but hell yes we are going to sure pretend like we do.
Example: someone was whispering to a co-worker, you overheard the word “annoying”. You assume they think you are annoying because you asked like five clarifying questions in the meeting five minutes before. WELL LET ME TELL YOU… that was a LEAP. But because you felt annoying and they said the word annoying… it must be about you. Right?
Nope. Not right. It could be a million other things.
So stop trying to fill in the blanks. If you don’t have all of the information. Ask for it. Get clarification. Or tell your brain, “hey I don’t have all of the information and I need to stop pretending like I do”.
TIP THREE: CHALLENGE THE THOUGHT
You’ve done the first two steps to stop overthinking, but the thought still won’t go away. Now is the time to call that thought to a dual. In therapy, I like to refer to this as taking the thought to trial.
Make a t-chart.
In one column write alllll of the things about the thought that supports the thought. IE. No one likes me= no one has texted me today.
Then on the other side write down all of the things that negate that thought. IE. But well wait, yes, Isabelle did ask me to hang out yesterday.
Keep going and see which side has more. Visually it should become clear. Feel free to even ask for help in brainstorming for each side. Then figure out which side genuinely holds more merit.
Even better… once you are done figuring out how to stop overthinking ask your helper if they want to try some vulnerability exercises and really distract yourself 😉
There you have it folx. My top three therapist tips on how to stop overthinking. Hope it helps!
Rachel Cohen, LCSW is the owner and therapist at Seaside Counseling Center in Jacksonville Beach, FL. Rachel works with frustrated and overwhelmed 20 somethings and perinatal parents online and in-person.
What all do you have?
Still pretty cool!